To uninitiated Florida is a place that consists mostly of strip malls and golf courses. One night our drive till you drop and look for a cheapest place to sleep strategy takes us to a golf resort. It’s really just a hotel with a golf course. Which become evident in the morning when we wake up to the sound of electric golf carts whizzing below our window.
Coming down to partake in our complimentary continental breakfast I pass a roundish, solemnly looking lady explaining something to a few intense 10 years old. As I approach I steal a glance at the whiteboard and suddenly a lot of things become clear in my mind.
This is a golf lesson. One of the first lessons the little boys and girls are subjected to. The whiteboard says: Golf core values: responsibility, integrity, sportsmanship.
Let’s put aside an idiotic notion that 10-year old can understand what integrity is. Especially if you explain it by means of a power point presentation. The golf is after all a game of MBAs and CEOs so learning to keep a straight face during such presentation will come handy even if it has little to do with actually hitting the ball in more or less right way.
I imagine that they work on these core values on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and they talk embezzlement, shortsightedness and lying on Tuesdays and Thursdays with a dollop of disregard to the society at large on Saturdays. And here I naively thought that you shall not cheat is more or less evolutionary etched in our brains and pretty much sport independent. Unless of course golf has some strange ways of debouching one: just look what happened to Tiger. If that’s the case I’ll better stay away. Many a CEO recently featured on first pages would not know integrity if it came and whack them in the head with a big bertha. One can only conclude they were never taught how to play golf correctly.
So I am not a big fan. And now that I know about the value presentation it’s dawning on me I may never become one. That said, I am a tolerant type of guy and if others want to waste their perfectly nice walks by looking for a small ball I am OK with that. Especially if they keep to themselves and stop intermarrying normal folks. Maybe we can get it on the ballot in some states?
Natalia, who thinks that in most climes even tending to one’s lawn is an environmental crime, is much harsher. She would only allow golf if the green pastures were used for something productive. Letting a few cows or goats wander among the players would probably minimize the amount of needed fertilizer. Not to mention the beneficial effect on TV ratings of professional tournaments.